Dead or Alive_Part One Read online

  At the top of the stairs, the door to our room sat ajar. Xander nudged it open with his foot and his jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he took in what I’d done.

  “You like,” I murmured, squealing when he tossed me on top of the bed.

  “Do I like it?” He laughed. “You’re asking for trouble tonight, aren’t you?”

  “Maybe, maybe not.”

  “Neither one of those are valid answers but you’re about to be in trouble. Spread those legs for me, baby.”

  I complied without hesitation, exposing myself to his hungered, greedy stare. Liquid fire ripped through my veins at the intensity those dark pools ravaged my dripping core, tongue coming out to swipe across his bottom lip like he could taste me.

  “Mmm… Prettiest pussy in the entire world.” He reached out and swiped a finger through my lips. “Play with her, Eden. Let me watch you.”

  Holy hell…

  This just went from zero to a hundred in seconds flat. My inner-exhibitionist was screaming in excitement, forcing my hand in a slow descent down my front at Xander’s lewd request. Stares interlocked, I kept on steadily until the pad of my middle finger grazed my clit and that first bolt of pleasure transcended through me. A heap of air whirred through my teeth. I broke away from his heated gaze and squeezed my eyes shut, falling into an easy rhythm with his rapt form between my legs.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard the jingle of his belt and the hiss of his zipper. I heard a soft groan too, but I was already too far gone. My head was swimming in a lusty Pinot Grigio mist and the glorious edge was coming closer into view with every circle of my fingers.

  “You look stunning right now, Angel, fucking exquisite—don’t stop,” Xander growled, the animalistic bite of his words shooting me even closer to the precipice. My back arched off the bed as I dipped two fingers inside, fucking myself leisurely in compliance. A rumbling groan snapped my eyes back open and I almost unraveled completely; Xander, cock in hand, stroking himself with a glazed stare at the vision of my fingers working my entrance.

  “Jesus, X,” I panted, tearing my eyes away from him again.

  I could come just seeing him so lost in pleasure, but I didn’t want to…yet.

  “Feels good?” His question came gruffly.

  “Not as good as you,” I admitted.

  “But does it feel good,” he pressed.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you gonna come for me?”

  I shook my head, luring an inquisitive expression to settle across his face.

  “Why not?”

  Simple, baby…

  “’Cause I want you inside me when I come, please,” I all but whined, dragging my essence up to my clit.

  Xander smirked, that hand of his still working his cock. “Begging already?” he asked.

  Yes, I was, and I didn’t even care.

  “Please, so close…” I whispered, barely holding onto my restraint.

  Whether he wanted to or not, I heard his jeans fall to the floor, felt the bed dip beneath his weight as he moved over me and hitched my legs around his waist. A quick swat to my hand drew me away and in one precise thrust, he drove right into me, filling me to capacity.

  “Yes…” I breathed out as he threw his head back and groaned a “Fuck.”

  The way he stretched me… Sweet baby Jesus. I could feel every vein rippling around his length. My walls clamped around him, urging him deeper regardless of the fact he was already embedded to the hilt.

  “You’re cheating me out of my gift,” he murmured in my ear, rolling into me with sharp, brisk thrusts.

  “No, I’m not.” Pant. “You can have me again,” I blurted out.

  “Oh, you’re damn right I am. Over and over again, until I literally can’t come anymore.”

  Jesus. Christ.

  “You’re gonna ruin me, aren’t you?”

  “Torturously, yes,” he growled, powering harder and harder to solidify his promise.

  Moans. Growls. Slick kisses. Skin slapping. Each sound echoed off the walls of the room, melding with the soundtrack of the rainforest bursting in through the veranda just twenty feet away from us. I could barely breathe, writhing in ecstasy beneath him as he fucked me without an ounce of reserve. Still, it wasn’t deep enough, the frenzy that’d consumed me demanding more than everything he was already giving me.

  “Harder, deeper, please,” I whined in some unrecognizable voice, sinking my nails into his back in an attempt to claw my way closer.

  “If I fuck you any harder, I’m gonna rip you to shreds, Angel,” he husked out, slamming his mouth against mine in a punishing kiss, his hand firmly gripping my jaw.

  Whimpering under his assault, I tore myself free from his vicious lips, gasping for air, arching off the bed because now, now he was impaling me with such speed and precision, I felt like he was lodged in my throat. I felt like I was on fire, like we were on fire, burning anything and everything around us down to the ground. This man above me, fucking me savagely, was the love of my life. I’d do anything for him, run all over the world with him. I’d kill for him. He was mine. The depth of that adoration rushed me, flinging me off the edge long before those delectable tingles rattled up my spine.

  “I love you…” was the last intelligible thing that trickled off my lips before my brain went off into cloud nine.

  We didn’t do much the week following Christmas except lounge around, watching movies in the theater room or cooling off in the pool. An obvious given due to our location. I wasn’t complaining though. If anything, I much preferred the lazy days to the constant ‘go, go, go’ when we’d been in more populated areas. But our time in this bubble of solidarity was quickly coming to an end, as in two days away, and once we left Bimini, it’d be our farewell to the Caribbean too.

  And we were in for a big change.

  The United Kingdom was our next stop; London, more specifically. Just the knowledge of what a prime tourist spot this was had me hanging off the anxious edge in a heartbeat. I’d been so relaxed for the last two weeks, I almost forgot what this abhorrent feeling felt like. With a fresh wave of nerves settling deep in my gut, I immediately suggested somewhere more quaint, but of course, Eden wouldn’t hear a word of it. Evidently, London had been a bucket list destination for her since she was old enough to learn how vast our world was, and much to my dismay, all it took to pull me aboard was a single pout of her soft, pink lips.

  Could it really be so bad, though? We’d passed through plenty of popular places thus far without incident, literally not one trace of Vincent or any of the Scarsis to be seen. Made me wonder if they’d ever come after us at all. Whether they were or not was dismally unclear, but I refused to believe they weren’t. They wouldn’t just let Eden leave and live her life because if that were the case, we wouldn’t have had to leave in the first place.

  So where were they?

  Were they actually lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, or were they far off our scent, digging around in all the wrong places?

  I guess only time would tell, but for now, all I could think about was my mom. I don’t know why. I’d been so angry with her since our last conversation, I had yet to pick up the phone and call her again. But as the Times Square celebration began coming to an end, that anger dissipated enough for me to realize I’d gone months without speaking to her. What kind of son did that make me? No, what kind of person did that make me? Neglecting the woman who gave me life because she didn’t agree with the choices I made. If I really put some thought into it, her reservations were warranted, somewhat valid, even, but I couldn’t accept it. Mama had loved me at every stage of my life, yet I couldn’t feel that love right now, at a time when I needed her love and support most.

  But don’t they say distance makes the heart grow fonder? Had our lack of communication perhaps changed her mind? That was the burning, million-dollar question of the evening.

  I stole a glance at the nightstand for what felt like the millio
nth time, my eyes focused on the iPhone like it’d magically illuminate and give me the answer I was hoping for. Eden stirred in her sleep, mewling the most adorable, softest moan before rolling off my chest onto her stomach. She’d passed out just before midnight, leaving me to ring in the new year with nothing but an ice-cold Corona and my racing thoughts.

  Call her, my conscience begged yet again, forcing me to silently play the tug-of-war game better known as right and wrong.

  Would she even answer at this time? Sure, she stayed up with me for New Years, but she had a reason to stay up. That reason being me. Without me, would she have celebrated alone? I doubted that, and I doubted Nancy or Shelley had gone to keep her company. They usually took a vacation during the holidays.

  She might be alone, but she’ll answer. Call her.

  “Fuck it,” I muttered, quietly making my way out of bed so as not to disturb my Angel.

  I pulled the phone off the charger and padded to the French doors that led to the private balcony, slipping out into the mild, clear night. Fireworks could be heard going off far, far away in the distance, but with all the trees cocooning us in the rainforest, I couldn’t see them in the slightest. Sighing, I dropped into one of the loungers and twirled the iPhone around in my grasp several times. I was afraid to call her. Childish, I know, especially for a man my age, but could you blame me? I wasn’t exactly wanting to throw myself headfirst into a repeat of our previous conversation, let alone hear something worse. I just wanted everything to be okay.

  You’ll never know if you don’t call…

  Damn that little voice always making sense. I groaned and before I could think of prolonging this any more than it was already overdue, I scrolled through the few contacts we had saved and clicked on Mama’s number. Hearing the ring go through only made me all the more nervous. Maybe she won’t—

  “Hello,” said her sleepy voice, though I could tell she wasn’t actually asleep.

  It was deathly quiet, a clear sign she was alone too. I couldn’t even hear the TV. Guilt was quick to consume me, seeping into every pore until my chest ached.

  “Hi, Ma, Happy New Year…” I murmured softly.

  The silence that followed had me gritting my teeth. I waited and waited for ages until finally I couldn’t tolerate it a second longer, swallowing down a fresh bout of anxiety.

  “Ma?” I asked, checking the screen to ensure the call hadn’t suddenly dropped. Would not have been a surprise, considering hundreds of people were on a mission to call their loved ones.

  “I’m here, I’m here,” she finally replied. “Just shocked to hear your voice.”

  “I know… How’ve you been?”

  “I’ve been better, but I’m hanging in there.”

  NO. No, no, no.

  “What do you mean? What happened? What’s wrong?” All my questions came in an alarmed rush.

  “I’m fine. I’ve just been worried, Xander, that’s all,” she answered, and while that should’ve helped me breathe a bit easier, it didn’t.

  “That’s really all, or you’re just saying that to keep me from pressing?” I asked wearily, praying she hadn’t had another accident in my absence.

  “No, that’s all,” she said simply, not offering anything more.

  A tense bout of silence followed, weighing heavily on my shoulders—and my heart. I’d left her to stew for so long, we didn’t know what to say to one another. Was I supposed to apologize? Was she? What could I even say after she admitted the tear in our relationship was affecting her?

  “So, how are you?” she went on to ask after some time passed.

  I shrugged, despite the fact she couldn’t see me. “As good as I can be…”

  “Where are you now?”

  “In the Caribbean.”

  “I see,” came softly, followed by a morose sigh. “How much longer until you come home, Xander?”

  Aaand here we go.

  “I don’t know, Ma.” I sighed too. “We haven’t run into her family yet, but I know they’re after us.”

  “How are you so sure?”

  “I can just feel it.”

  “So, if they find you? Then what? What will happen?” she pressed, just like I knew she would.

  My Puerto Rican temper was already bubbling into a simmer. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to avoid. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath, seriously regretting my decision to call her. I should’ve waited to do so while Eden was awake, as I’d promised her back in Nassau.

  “Ma…” I trailed off, praying she’d just leave it alone, but we all know that wasn’t going to happen.

  “Don’t ‘Ma’ me and do not even say you can’t tell me. You’ve been gone for two months, Xander, two! Why are the two of you running from her family?”

  “We went over this already. They don’t want us together,” I explained, my frustration apparent in every word.

  “Well, they’re not alone in that respect,” she uttered, and within seconds, I went from mildly irked to full-blown vexed.

  “Why? What about her do you not like? You haven’t even met her!” I pointed out, shooting up to my feet.

  “Exactly, Xander.”

  “So, because the timing has been off, and I haven’t had the opportunity to bring her home automatically means you need to hate her?”

  “The timing has been off?” She chuckled in the least amused fashion I’ve ever heard. “The timing is non-existent. At first, you told me she was nothing more than a woman you were sleeping with. Then, from one day to the next, you leave to go on some wild goose chase to find her mother, a lie I should remind you. And lastly, you flee the country because her family doesn’t approve of you? Why wouldn’t they approve of you?”

  “Her family has money, Ma, what do you really expect?” I questioned, running a hand through my hair.

  “You mean to tell me that you not being well-off is a problem for them? Why on earth would you ever want to intertwine your life with people like that, if that’s the case?”

  “Because I love her,” I shouted, louder than meant to. “What about that is so hard for you to understand, Mama? I. Love. Her.”

  “All of it, Xander, especially when you’re quite obviously keeping secrets.”

  I had to bite my tongue. Throwing my head back, I huffed out a monstrous breath of air, pulling the phone away from my ear and all. Why was she doing this to me?

  “I don’t know what you want me to tell you…” I said, after collecting myself.

  “That you’re coming home,” she deadpanned and once again, despite the fact she couldn’t see me, I shook my head.

  “Not happening right now. Maybe in a few weeks.”

  “What difference is a few more weeks going to make? Please explain that to me. If they didn’t want you together two months ago, they’re certainly not going to want you together after you two fled the country. Spare yourself the heartache and just come home. Let the girl be in her luxurious life.”

  “She’s not like them, Ma. She’s sweet, caring, down to earth. You’ll love her.”

  “No, I won’t,” she gritted out, everything about that declaration stinging more than I thought possible.

  “Are you kidding me right now,” I growled. “Does my happiness mean nothing to you?”

  “Yes, but not when this supposed happiness has driven you away from a normal life.”

  “So that’s it, you’re siding with them then? You’re never going to approve of us?”

  “No, Xander, I’m not. It would take a miracle of astronomical proportions for me to accept that girl, much less your relationship.”

  Red. I saw nothing but red. I was positively furious and so fucking hurt, I almost couldn’t see straight. “I can’t believe this,” I hollered at her. “You’re my mom! Are you supposed to love me, no matter what!”

  “I do love you, which is why I’m putting my foot down. You really need to take some time to think this all through before you ruin your life completely.”
>
  “I have thought about it, and I’m not ruining my life! Eden is it for me, Mama—she’s the woman I want to spend my life with!”

  “I don’t see how you can even envision a future with her, if both her family and myself won’t agree.”

  Wow…

  “Unbelievable.” I was seething, using every ounce of restraint within me not to chuck the phone into the rainforest splayed out before me. “I’m gonna go, Mom. It’s late and quite frankly, I’m done with this conversation. I’ll call you soon.”

  “I love you, Xander,” she murmured, and if the miffed scoff I threw at her didn’t scream how I felt, what followed would.

  “Yeah, sure you do.”

  And then I hung up, not bothering to wait for a response.

  I forced myself inside the house too, because I was a mere thread away from smashing the iPhone into millions of tiny pieces. Raging like a storm, I yanked open the French door and came to a halt within the threshold. Eden was awake, sitting up in bed. Baby blues watered, and I knew she’d heard every word, or at least the worst of it after I’d begun shouting. That’s probably what woke her up. The phone slipped from my grip and I climbed onto the bed, wrapping her sniveling form in my arms. She buried her face in her crook of my neck and cried softly, cracking my fucking heart right down the middle.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, raking my short nails up and down her back.

  “It’s not your fault.” Her breath hitched. “It’s mine.”

  Location: London, United Kingdom

  Nearly 9 weeks since fleeing the country…

  “What’s wrong?” Xander asks me as I stare out the airplane window.

  My gaze refocuses at the sound of his voice and as I watch several men stowing luggage after luggage into the plane, I get the weirdest sense of deja vu. Haven’t we done this before?