Dead or Alive_Part One Read online

  “Angel,” I tried again, sliding my arms around her waist.

  She tensed slightly, just slightly, but I felt it, and while I knew it could’ve very well been because of what she’d experienced, it still stung. Made me more determined to figure out what the hell was going on in that beautiful—or currently, hellish—mind of hers. Winding the tips of her blonde tresses around my hand, I yanked her head back until her blues were on me. “What happened in there?”

  Eden swallowed, the moment wavering between us for just a second before she said, “I-I had a nightmare.”

  “I figured that, and I get nightmares aren’t ever a pleasant occurrence to rehash, but you paled whiter than ghost and then flew out the door before I could stop you. What happened in here?” I tapped her temple.

  “I… We were… She was…” She faltered, shaking her head as though the words were somehow much too difficult to get out.

  “Tell me,” I hedged.

  “I can’t…”

  She can’t?

  Right there. Right in that moment, as I tried to comprehend her response, I finally got a taste of what my mom felt when I broke the news of our departure to her. Hell, not even then. I’d been telling her ‘I can’t’ since Eden and I left the Bronx. It was maddening, flaring my anger like a match head to the asphalt. What did she mean, she couldn’t tell me? Did she not confide in me? Did she not think I could handle it?

  “Eden, tell me,” I demanded, my voice more firm than anything else, but she shook her head once more, tearing her eyes away from me to the cluster of trees across the street.

  “You don’t want to know, X, trust me.”

  “Quite obviously I’m asking because I want to know.”

  “And I’m telling you that you really don’t, so just drop it,” she snapped, wiggling free from my embrace.

  Her expression was no longer doused in trepidation. Now, she was flustered, and not in that adorable way I loved. Angry and growing angrier by the second at my inquisition, her eyes narrowed into tiny slits much in the same way they had when the whole Luca topic blew up the first night we left.

  What happened in that dream?

  I wanted to ask again, despite knowing it’d only tick her off further. But I didn’t, mostly because I didn’t want her exploding and drawing attention to us. Not just because my aunt was home but because Puerto Ricans are nosy as shit, and I guarantee if any one of the neighbors heard something going on outside, they’d be at the window with a bag of popcorn in a minute. And then they’d gossip about it amongst themselves later, throwing my auntie’s name into the mix, which I didn’t I want either. She didn’t need any negativity attached to her, especially when she had nothing to do with it.

  “Fine, don’t tell me what happened, but at least tell me what you’re feeling, why you’re acting like this,” I said, motioning to her defensive form, needing to get—at the very least—something out of her.

  “Because, Xander,” she retorted simply.

  “Because what?”

  “Because I’m scared, okay? I’m scared, I’m fucked the hell off, frustrated, tired!”

  “And you don’t think I’m not, Eden?” My hand banged against my chest a few times, the snip in her tone dragging the match across the asphalt a second time, unraveling my anger some more. “You don’t think I’m raging inside; frustrated, stressed, and exhausted with all that’s going on?”

  “Of course I do, which is why I don’t want to burden you with the fucked-up place that is my head,” she yelled.

  “It’s not a burden if I’m asking,” I roared back, and I knew by now, we probably had the audience I’d been trying to avoid, my auntie included.

  “Just like when I asked you, huh?” Eden took a few steps toward me, pointing an accusing finger. “When I saw you were hurting and upset, and I asked you what was wrong. And then you lied to me. You lied to my face, X, told me everything was fine when really, it’s not,” she seethed, the validity of her words rooting me to the ground beneath my feet.

  All the air could’ve left my lungs. It felt like she’d slapped me in the face and in my newly sobered state, I remembered the simple fact that I had lied to her. I hadn’t done so with malicious intent nor did I want to lie at all, but after arguing with Mama and then seeing her on the porch with that weary stare trained firmly on me, I couldn’t bring myself to admit to her that she’d been spot on about my mom all along. So I lied…and it killed me. I was a liar and a hypocrite. I’d flipped my lid when I found out a lot of what she’d shared with me when we first met was complete bullshit, yet here I was, doing the very same thing.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, and unlike when I’d my thrown my apology at Mama for missing the upcoming holidays, I truly meant it.

  “Sorry you lied or sorry you got caught?” she asked, mirroring the same question I’d asked her what felt like eons ago.

  “That I lied. I’m sorry I lied, okay? I didn’t want to, Angel, but I also didn’t want to break you down any more by telling you what my mom said.”

  “It might hurt me, Xander, but it’s something I need to know. Anything that happens from here on out, I need to know. We have to be open with each other, no secrets, if we’re going to make it through this. Otherwise, we don’t stand a chance.”

  I sighed on a nod. She was right. If there were ever a test for the strength our relationship, this right here was the fucking Olympics. Lying and keeping things from one another would only lead us down a broken path, and I’d be damned if I singlehandedly delivered the universe what it so clearly seemed to want; our amorous demise.

  “I agree, but it can’t be just me who sticks to this, Angel. You can’t be keeping secrets either. Tell me what happened,” I demanded, against my better judgement.

  “X, please.” That plump lip of hers quivered. “You don’t want to know.”

  “Why? Give me one good reason that could possibly justify me not wanting to know.”

  Eden hesitated, swallowing down a knot in her throat. “Remember what Alessio filled you in on while we were in the basement?”

  “Yeahhh…” I drawled.

  “There you go,” she deadpanned.

  That was it. That’s all she offered, which sucked for me because, truth is, I barely remembered any of it. It’d only happened four days ago but between the car wreck, getting punched dead in the face by Scarsi’s hulking dickheads, and then succumbing to the darkness, courtesy of some strong ass shit they shoved up my nose, everything was a hazy mess of bits and pieces. Not to mention what actually took place in the basement. But I knew what she was talking about, or rather who she was talking about. That little piece of information was clear as day, including the venomous way Alessio had relayed it back to me.

  It’s like he wanted me to be afraid, to be afraid of her.

  The Silent Reaper, one of the top most wanted killers in America. Silent. Deadly. Not a soul knew who it was.

  But I do…

  It wasn’t until then that the full capacity of what that meant hit me, like the chilling spray from a water hose in the winter. Back at the compound, that tiny detail seemed like no big deal in comparison to everything Eden had already shared with me. I’d thought her past “leisures” could be counted on two hands. Not even close though. Hundreds of people. My girl had killed hundreds of people, like it was absolutely nothing at all.

  I stood there staring at her, wondering how any of this could be possible; how that genderless, faceless killer the nation feared behind closed doors could really be her. Flashbacks of the night she almost took my life flickered in my mind and while I remembered seeing her go from lover to murderer in seconds flat, I still couldn’t picture her actually hurting anyone. Not my Angel, my perfect Angel. Maybe I was blind, but fuck…

  “Who did you kill?” I questioned through an uneasy gulp, though I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know the answer.

  “No one. Not this time anyway,” she answered, devoid of any emotion.

  Not this time.
I let those words course through me, allowed myself to fully absorb them. She was being honest, albeit not sharing anything else, but she was being honest, and I was about to drop the subject. Suddenly, I didn’t want to know anything else. I actually wished I hadn’t pressed her about it in the first place. There was a new light shining on her, a light that allowed me to see some things so clearly, and I didn’t like it. It was tainting her, tainting my perfect image of her, when really, it shouldn’t have. That part of her life wasn’t her fault. Like I’d told my auntie—the Scarsis weren’t bad people, they’d just been born into a bloodline that chose to make bad decisions. Grave decisions that affected those around them. And now, I was around them. Well, not them, but her. Having Eden in my life had affected me quite a bit, okay a lot, but somehow, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I knew she could do better.

  She already was.

  “You’re not her anymore, baby,” I said softly, taking tentative steps toward her to close the distance between us.

  She didn’t flinch when I wrapped my arms around her this time, but those baby blues…those baby blues told it all. “Oh, but I am. I think I’ll always be her, no matter how hard I try not to be.”

  “And I think you’re wrong.” I clasped her chin, looking her dead in the eye. “I think you know that too. You may have been her at one point in time, but then I happened, we happened.”

  Eden shook her head solemnly. “She’s strong…”

  “And you’re stronger. You can do anything you set your mind to, and I’ll be right here with you every step of the way.”

  “Why,” she whispered. “How?”

  Oh, no. No. Fuck no.

  “Not again, don’t you go there again. We just went through this the other night,” I reminded her, brushing our lips together.

  “I just don’t understand.”

  “You don’t need to. I can understand it for the both of us.” Kiss.

  “You’re too good to me.” Kiss.

  “Maybe, but you deserve it, and don’t try to tell me otherwise.” Kiss.

  And she didn’t. She didn’t say anything else, neither did I. Though the discussion turned argument had been brief, it took its toll no less, draining us each a little bit more than we already were before. There was so much going on at once, so much threatening to drown us alive. I refused to let it happen, and I firmly believed that if we dwelled on it, it’d wear us down enough to rip us to shreds before we even left Puerto Rico. Appreciating the little things, things that made us happy and kept us light were going to be our saving grace, so I hopped in my aunt’s jeep and drove us a ways down the mountain, to a place I knew would take Eden out of her head, and focus on what’s important.

  Us.

  “Is there anything behind it?” I asked, staring at the beauty of nature in literal awe.

  Not that I could see much, really. It was so dark now, every star in the sky glistened from the lack of street lights. Still, the gargantuan waterfall before me was probably one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen in my life.

  “There is,” Xander murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. “A cavern. My aunt says it’s gorgeous in there.”

  “You’ve never been?” I quizzed.

  “Never. I’ve only swam the shallow water.”

  “Shall we check it out then?”

  I could feel his brow arch curiously. “There’s no way around it, Angel. We’d have to swim to it.”

  “And? Did you not just say you know how to swim,” I teased, and he laughed.

  “I did, but we didn’t bring a change of clothes. I don’t want to get the jeep wet.”

  “Do we need clothes to swim?” I hedged, peeking at him from the corner of my eye.

  “No, we don’t.”

  “Then take your clothes off, X.”

  Spinning around in his embrace, I slipped my hands under his tee and pushed it up slowly, but a quick hand caught me at the wrist, prompting me to lift my gaze to his smoldering expression. That devilish little smirk of his hiked up one corner of his mouth, his eyes deliberately tracing the curves of my body. “Or how about you take off mine and I’ll take off yours?”

  There went my smirk. “Deal, Mr. Royce, but may I raise the stakes?”

  “Depends on how high we’re talking.”

  “One kiss per article removed,” I purred.

  Xander sucked in a small heap of air through his teeth and shook his head. “You drive a hard bargain.”

  “Oh, please, as if kissing me were so hard.”

  “No, but it makes me hard,” he snarled, grabbing two handfuls of my ass.

  “Xander Royce!” I swatted his arm playfully.

  “Don’t do that, you sound like my mom.”

  As soon as he realized what he’d just said, I watched his face fall, a thoughtful grimace washing over his fine features.

  Shit.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  I melted into him and combed my fingers through the hair tickling his neck, unsure of what to say, how to soothe him. This was a touchy subject; however, we’d agreed no secrets just thirty minutes ago…

  “Have you talked to her again?” I found myself asking, still feeling the sting from finally getting the confirmation she loathed me like the plague.

  “No, but we’re not talking about this now,” he answered, fisting the frayed denim edges of my shorts. “Unbutton this little thing for me.”

  “You’re supposed to be doing all that, remember?” I countered, the saucy gleam in his eyes turning my stomach into a wild swarm of butterflies.

  “Oh, I plan to. I just like watching you get it started.”

  Inching up on my toes, I all but climbed him like a tree, bringing my lips dangerously close to his ear. I was damn sure more than content to let go of the topic for the time being. We could talk about Carla later, way later, when his hands weren’t on me…

  “You like watching me get naked for you, X?” I breathed, dragging the tip of my nose along his cheek, his scar scraping against my skin.

  This deliciously dark laugh rumbled his chest as he dug his fingers into my thighs. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

  “Then show me how much,” I whispered, egging him on.

  With one hand, he whipped off my top effortlessly; the snap on my bra went faster. Then he chucked both articles of clothing behind us as he set me on my feet and popped the button on my shorts, ripping the zipper downward in one quick tug. I wiggled my hips and shimmied the denim down my legs until I stood there before him, out in the open, in nothing but a white thong. Anyone could trek up here and see us, yet the hunger in his stare had the power to set me on fire, reducing me to a puddle of want with not a care for possible voyeurs.

  “Your turn. Strip, Xander,” I demanded—impatiently, I might add.

  He flashed me that panty-melting smile that dazzled even in the night and reached behind himself, pulling his tee off faster than I could blink. Broad shoulders, tree trunks for arms, toned pecks, those washboard abs, that Goddamn V; he wasn’t even on full display yet and I was already struggling not to drool.

  “Like what you see, baby,” he quipped with a smirk, dropping his jeans in a heap at his ankles.

  I swallowed the pool of saliva that’d gathered in my mouth and nodded, my eyes trained on the bulge sheathed by his briefs. “Always.”

  “Thank fuck for that ’cause the feeling is all too mutual,” he growled, his palms flush against my body once more, sliding around in different directions until anxious fingers tangled in my hair, forcing my head back. My mouth fell slack, goose bumps hailing all over as warm lips skated down my neck, over my collarbone. On a quiet moan, I slipped my fingers beneath the waistband of his briefs, intent on ridding him of them, but he caught my wrist again and secured it behind my back in his grip.

  “I don’t think so, it’s your turn. Take ’em off,” he ordered hastily, tugging the thin strap of my panties.

  Almost immediately, I was slammed with the memory of us in
his garage; me on the bike, him looming between my legs. A delicious shiver rattled down my spine. “Rip them off…” I panted, eager to feel that glorious sting of lace digging into flesh.

  Xander chuckled into the crook of my neck, gently sinking his teeth in the curve. “With pleasure, Angel.”

  They were nothing more than a shredded white scrap in seconds, and much to my disappointment, I’d barely even felt the twinge of pain as the bands stretched to capacity against my skin. My blood was rushing too fast for it to register.

  Bringing the now tattered garment up to my line of sight, I caught his grin behind it, a satisfied one at that. “So wet already,” he cooed.

  “Your fault,” I fired back, freeing myself from his hold to finish undressing him.

  Thankfully, he didn’t stop me this time, watching in fascination as I sunk down onto the balls of my feet, pulling his briefs with me. When they laid atop his jeans, I made my way back up, nails raking up his legs, my blues focused on his molten browns. The look he was giving me made me feel like I had the world trapped in the palm of my hand; so damn powerful. I loved watching him unravel for me, no matter how slowly.

  Xander fisted the top of my hair just as my tongue flashed out against his shaft and licked a perfectly straight line up to the head. That thing was bobbing in front of me by the time I drew a circle around the tip and flicked the slit a couple times.

  “Fuck, Angel, stop,” he hissed, briskly pulling me up to my feet.

  My scalp prickled from the force of his hold. I hissed equally as loud and scrunched my eyes closed, wrapping myself around his hard body like a vine. Our lips crashed together in a bruising kiss and then idly, I noticed we were moving.

  “We’re never gonna make it to the waterfall if we don’t stop,” I stated the obvious, coming up for air on a soft laugh.

  A quirk of his mouth was my answer. “That’s exactly why I’m taking us into the water. We can finish this on the other side of that waterfall.”

  You’re damn right we are.